This morning I woke up feeling optimistic about my day and what I would get up to which included doing a bit of my online course, doing a bit of art and probably lots of Netflix in between. Amongst all these activities I had planned in my head was an overwhelming feeling of loneliness. Since taking a break from uni I have felt a disconnect from who I am as a person. I think a lot of that is down to choice and the fact that I didn’t really have much when deciding whether or not I should take a break from uni. The disconnect doesn’t really so much come from not doing the uni work because even though I loved learning – learning can wait, friends can’t. I’m not about to write a piece about how my friends have abandoned me when I am at my most vulnerable because even though it would be juicy – it’s too much effort. It also wouldn’t be true.
In today’s current climate I don’t feel alone in the fact that I don’t get the opportunity to see my friends face-to-face. There is, however, an added layer for me which is that I am no longer attending uni. I should add that almost all of my friends I have are from uni so taking the uni part away is hard! I have a strong bond between all my uni friends but there has been a little extra distance between them and me recently. Without being at uni means not coming together to complain about how much work we have to do or how to start an assignment. Even though these aren’t necessarily key components of a relationship, they don’t count for nothing. Everyone gets a bit busy in their lives and that also makes it hard to keep in touch.
Feeling lonely isn’t solely coming from my recent distance (both physically and not physically) between friends, its a combination of all things in my life. Sure, I feel a bit lonely right now but I don’t think that it will last forever. I’m pretty lucky knowing I’ve got lots of supportive people in my life including my family. I think that its okay to feel a bit lonely sometimes as long as you know that someone somewhere out there is supporting you. I hope that I can instil some sort of hope in others knowing that I am supportive of them.
clara x 2020